The drawing of little Mark, which his mother brought to the reception, depicts a completely happy family. An orange sun is shining in the sky, grass is thinning on the ground. Mom, Dad and the four-year-old "author" are playing in the park. But the other - the trio went to the sea and caught in the net either a green dolphin, or an alien creature. There are a dozen of such children's arts. It would seem - what is the drama? The fact is that Mark is not the only child in the family. He has a younger sister, the one-year-old Sonya, but she is never shown in the drawings. In fact, Mark very much asked to "give birth to his baby." But when his sister was born, he did not like it at all. After all, his parents strictly forbade him to play with her. Now the boy is worried about another question: can he give birth to a normal friend right now? But that's not all. The picture case is actually harmless. In another family - Andrei and Savva - the older brother openly and in all seriousness threatens to kill the younger, which is why both children grow up almost in isolation from each other in different rooms.
When parents who already have one child think about the second, the most frequent question is: how will the elder perceive the appearance of a new baby in the family? Most of all, moms and dads want their firstborn to look forward to the birth of a brother or sister, accept him, love and care after birth. But it's no secret that older children, who have been the only ones in the family for a long time, may not be at all happy with a competitor in the struggle for parental attention. It often happens that in some families brothers and sisters get along with each other, accept the “newcomer,” while in others, there is either ignorance or active rejection, even hatred. What does it depend on and how can you help older children relate better to younger ones?
The perception of subsequent children by first-borns strongly depends on the kind of contact they had with their parents before they were added to the family. Infants have two main psychological needs (in addition to physiological ones), on the satisfaction of which their emotional stability depends. These are the need for a stable caring relationship with a significant adult (in other words, the need for affection) and the importance of exploring the world around us, curiosity (research need). The safer and more reliable the contact of a child with an adult, the stronger his attachment, the more boldly he goes to study this world. Attachment can be compared to a secure rear: when we feel that we have somewhere to return, that there is a safe place where, in case of trouble, we can receive care and consolation, then we go much more boldly towards the unknown. And vice versa:when an adult is unreliable, emotionally cold, constantly disappearing, how can you be sure of your rear?
When a child is alone, parents are much more likely to respond to his needs. And the birth of another leads to the fact that the invisible emotional thread between the parents and the first-born is strongly stretched, there is a threat of losing a reliable rear. The child begins to constantly pull this thread, checking: hey, relatives, are you still there, do you still remember me, are you still able to respond to my call? "Pulling the thread" can manifest itself in different ways: it is sharply frequent "whims", and jealousy of the younger, and constant competition with him. But, in fact, the negative that the older can direct to the younger has little to do with the second / third child itself, these are all messages to parents and an attempt to restore a sense of a reliable rear. What can help a child to make sure that he was not left for this "new"?